oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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