I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
