first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck