dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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