Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
