Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
