im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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