i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
