normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
