Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
