I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
