Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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