we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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