gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
