You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As shirtless as possible
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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