Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
