woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
