so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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