Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
