She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
