My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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