I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
