i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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