why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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