Where is the hickey?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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