if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
