Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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