i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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