The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
