in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
