Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
