Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
