i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
