he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I believe in your delicious
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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