my mouth tastes like poor choices
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
