u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
