i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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