I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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