maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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