how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
