He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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