I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
