I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
