your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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