You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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