Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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