Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
