He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
