ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
