When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Green mimosas i think yes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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