'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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