the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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