i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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