Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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