Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
