Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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