You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
