What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
