Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
