You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
