Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
