Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
