I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I understand Curling. That high.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
