Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
