I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
