i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
