We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
