When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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